“I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes are straining to see your promises come true. When will you comfort me? I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, but I have not forgotten to obey your decrees. How long must I wait? When will you punish those who persecute me? These arrogant people who hate your instructions have dug deep pits to trap me. All your commands are trustworthy. Protect me from those who hunt me down without cause. They almost finished me off, but I refused to abandon your commandments. In your unfailing love, spare my life; then I can continue to obey your laws.” (Psalm 119:81-88)
I could barely get out of bed. Everything that I had enjoyed doing had become uninteresting. I was worn out from crying all the time and sleeping is the only thing I ever wanted to do. I was in the pit, placed there by my circumstances; circumstances that I was responsible for. My irresponsibility and selfishness had caught up with me and I was paying consequences for my actions. I remained in this state of mind until I looked to the Word for encouragement and until I could finally see the truth that had been right in front of me all along – God loves me, he forgives me, and he is with me each and every day. The sense of being alone, and having no one that really understood what I was going through was really a lie. I was surrounded by people who had been where I was and who offered me encouragement for my situation at the time. My life was starting to turn around. Then came the waiting. Waiting is so hard! A year went by and I was still waiting to see the promises come true, then two and then three. Each year was a little better, but I was still waiting and in some ways, I still am today, four years later. Waiting is exhausting. I wondered often how much longer I would have to wait for my circumstances to turn around. God has blessed me while I have waited for so many years to see his plan for me to start to unfold. Eight months ago, I could start to see a glimpse of the plan that God had designed for me long before I was born. The last eight months have not been easy. I have made a lot of changes, but God has been faithful to his Word and to me. It began with a call, not by a telephone, mind you, but a call from God – followed by an act of obedience. I knew that God had called me into full-time ministry for a while, but I had chosen to ignore it because I was a woman. God hadn’t forgotten about this, and when he reminded me of the call that he had placed on my life, I cried because I ignored it for too long, and I cried because there was another part of this plan that I wasn’t going to like. I knew that God had asked me to leave my church of 8 years well over a year before I was reminded of the call he had placed on my life. I didn’t want to because I was comfortable. I loved my church family and I didn’t want to leave them. It was all I had ever known. I became a Christian in that church, just about everyone close to me went to that church. Since I had ignored God and had not followed in obedience when he first asked me to, it had started to become uncomfortable at church. I couldn’t worship and it was almost as if there was a wall that kept me from being blessed the way I had grown accustomed to while attending the church for 8 years. I knew that I needed to be obedient to what God was asking me to do, but at what cost? I left the only church and the only family of God I had ever known and went to look for a church. I prayed for guidance and discernment in this because I had no idea where I was going to go and I had no idea where God would lead me, but I knew that I needed to be open to his leading. Leaving that church was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but God never left my side. A couple months later, he had lead me back to a church that I had visited a few times after I had originally left my former church. I wasn’t sure if it was where I was supposed to be, so I asked God to make it clear to me if this was the church I was supposed to be at. One Sunday after the service, the Pastor came over to me and said, “Jessica, 2011 is going to be better for you than 2010. God has you exactly where he wants you to be right now.” Fighting back my tears, I knew without a doubt that this is where I was supposed to be and it’s where I’ve been attending for the past 5 months. In February, I received a call for a job interview and after a week I had the job. I realized that I had been praying for a M-F, dayshift job for six years and finally God had given one to me. This showed me that he most definitely hears my prayers! Now that God had moved me into a different church, and a different job, opportunities to minister had started to come up. I had received calls from two separate churches asking me to pray about leading worship for their women’s retreats. I also received a call asking me to pray about being a Spiritual House Leader for a Christian women’s transitional house. This is a ministry that the church I had started to attend has partnered with. I prayed and after meeting with the leadership of that ministry, I prayed some more. I knew in my heart without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be. It’s been almost two months now in this full-time ministry position and I have seen God’s hand through it all. It’s almost as if my one act of obedience caused the floodgates to open and the blessings to start to fall. My eyes are no longer straining to see God’s promises come true, but instead my eyes are open wide with anticipation for what God has in store next! The road that took me to where I am now, was in no way, shape, or form easy. It was very difficult, riddled with bumps and roadblocks, but God has always been with me. He has always been faithful to me and he always will be. The very same thing goes for you. Maybe you can’t clearly see the plan that God has laid out for you or maybe you are struggling to feel his presence with you while you are in the midst of some difficult circumstances. Let me encourage you with the truth that God loves you greatly. He sees you, right where you are right now. He knows what you are going through and He is right beside you and will always be right beside you. He has never and he never will leave you or forsake you. There is hope in His Word. There is encouragement in his Word. You are not alone. “What have I in this life, but the love in your eyes. This empty world will one day fade, but only your truth will remain. Jesus, all I have is you. You’re the hope I’m holding to. I may weep but still my faith rests in you. As the Heavens hold the skies, it’s your hand that holds my life and your love will lead me on when all else is gone” (All I Have)
Father God, you know exactly what I am going through and exactly where I have been. Father, help me to see your hand guiding me and holding me each and every day. I will lift my eyes to you in my circumstances. Help me to see your plan and purpose for me one day at a time. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
I could barely get out of bed. Everything that I had enjoyed doing had become uninteresting. I was worn out from crying all the time and sleeping is the only thing I ever wanted to do. I was in the pit, placed there by my circumstances; circumstances that I was responsible for. My irresponsibility and selfishness had caught up with me and I was paying consequences for my actions. I remained in this state of mind until I looked to the Word for encouragement and until I could finally see the truth that had been right in front of me all along – God loves me, he forgives me, and he is with me each and every day. The sense of being alone, and having no one that really understood what I was going through was really a lie. I was surrounded by people who had been where I was and who offered me encouragement for my situation at the time. My life was starting to turn around. Then came the waiting. Waiting is so hard! A year went by and I was still waiting to see the promises come true, then two and then three. Each year was a little better, but I was still waiting and in some ways, I still am today, four years later. Waiting is exhausting. I wondered often how much longer I would have to wait for my circumstances to turn around. God has blessed me while I have waited for so many years to see his plan for me to start to unfold. Eight months ago, I could start to see a glimpse of the plan that God had designed for me long before I was born. The last eight months have not been easy. I have made a lot of changes, but God has been faithful to his Word and to me. It began with a call, not by a telephone, mind you, but a call from God – followed by an act of obedience. I knew that God had called me into full-time ministry for a while, but I had chosen to ignore it because I was a woman. God hadn’t forgotten about this, and when he reminded me of the call that he had placed on my life, I cried because I ignored it for too long, and I cried because there was another part of this plan that I wasn’t going to like. I knew that God had asked me to leave my church of 8 years well over a year before I was reminded of the call he had placed on my life. I didn’t want to because I was comfortable. I loved my church family and I didn’t want to leave them. It was all I had ever known. I became a Christian in that church, just about everyone close to me went to that church. Since I had ignored God and had not followed in obedience when he first asked me to, it had started to become uncomfortable at church. I couldn’t worship and it was almost as if there was a wall that kept me from being blessed the way I had grown accustomed to while attending the church for 8 years. I knew that I needed to be obedient to what God was asking me to do, but at what cost? I left the only church and the only family of God I had ever known and went to look for a church. I prayed for guidance and discernment in this because I had no idea where I was going to go and I had no idea where God would lead me, but I knew that I needed to be open to his leading. Leaving that church was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but God never left my side. A couple months later, he had lead me back to a church that I had visited a few times after I had originally left my former church. I wasn’t sure if it was where I was supposed to be, so I asked God to make it clear to me if this was the church I was supposed to be at. One Sunday after the service, the Pastor came over to me and said, “Jessica, 2011 is going to be better for you than 2010. God has you exactly where he wants you to be right now.” Fighting back my tears, I knew without a doubt that this is where I was supposed to be and it’s where I’ve been attending for the past 5 months. In February, I received a call for a job interview and after a week I had the job. I realized that I had been praying for a M-F, dayshift job for six years and finally God had given one to me. This showed me that he most definitely hears my prayers! Now that God had moved me into a different church, and a different job, opportunities to minister had started to come up. I had received calls from two separate churches asking me to pray about leading worship for their women’s retreats. I also received a call asking me to pray about being a Spiritual House Leader for a Christian women’s transitional house. This is a ministry that the church I had started to attend has partnered with. I prayed and after meeting with the leadership of that ministry, I prayed some more. I knew in my heart without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be. It’s been almost two months now in this full-time ministry position and I have seen God’s hand through it all. It’s almost as if my one act of obedience caused the floodgates to open and the blessings to start to fall. My eyes are no longer straining to see God’s promises come true, but instead my eyes are open wide with anticipation for what God has in store next! The road that took me to where I am now, was in no way, shape, or form easy. It was very difficult, riddled with bumps and roadblocks, but God has always been with me. He has always been faithful to me and he always will be. The very same thing goes for you. Maybe you can’t clearly see the plan that God has laid out for you or maybe you are struggling to feel his presence with you while you are in the midst of some difficult circumstances. Let me encourage you with the truth that God loves you greatly. He sees you, right where you are right now. He knows what you are going through and He is right beside you and will always be right beside you. He has never and he never will leave you or forsake you. There is hope in His Word. There is encouragement in his Word. You are not alone. “What have I in this life, but the love in your eyes. This empty world will one day fade, but only your truth will remain. Jesus, all I have is you. You’re the hope I’m holding to. I may weep but still my faith rests in you. As the Heavens hold the skies, it’s your hand that holds my life and your love will lead me on when all else is gone” (All I Have)
Father God, you know exactly what I am going through and exactly where I have been. Father, help me to see your hand guiding me and holding me each and every day. I will lift my eyes to you in my circumstances. Help me to see your plan and purpose for me one day at a time. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
1 comment:
Jessica, Thanks for sharing your story. It's encouraging to read that other people sometimes feel the same things we do and come through them to a brighter side. I had a similar story 9 years ago. God bless, again thanks for sharing. Christina Yoder
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