Have you ever been reminded of something over and over again? And just when it seems you have figured out why, and have moved on, there it is again, right in your face, telling you that it’s not over, and you’ve only begun to see why you were presented with it in the first place? I have found that this tends to happen with scripture the most. I can’t even remember how long it has been since I was first presented with the scripture passage that has been weighing heavily on me; that has been popping up at several different times and in several different places, waking me up at night, and causing me to think about what it really means, or what God is trying to communicate to me through the passage. I can honestly tell you that I have been really trying hard to ignore it, but obviously it is impossible to ignore. Especially if it keeps coming up again and again; causing my attention to be drawn to it like a bug to that beautiful blue light that isn’t so beautiful when the bug gets too close. Now, I am not saying that the Word of God is a deadly trap luring us in with its beauty, but what I am saying can best be expressed in Hebrews 4:12-13;
“For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.” (NLT)
The Word of God is a powerful way for God to communicate with us, if we choose to listen. If we choose to ignore it and run away from it, the truth tends to show itself again and again, until we finally take hold of it and listen to what God is trying to tell us. The Word of God shows us the truth, and the truth hurts, much like a two edged sword would. Perhaps this is why so many people, including myself, are not in the Word daily. It is painful, it exposes things we thought were long gone, things we thought we had finally escaped, and things we had hoped were hidden far out of reach. It exposes us for who we really are, it shows us our weaknesses, and through that it gives us strength and hope to carry on.
Before I get on with the passage that has been in a sense “haunting” me, I must confess something. I have not been able to work for the past two weeks due to a blood clot in my leg, and I have been “forced” to rest. Resting is something I never do. I constantly fill my schedule with things, mostly work, and then friends and other people. So many things, that I feel like I can honestly say “I don’t have time for God.” Now before, you start judging me, have you ever thought this? Have you ever made excuses not to spend time with God? If we are really honest with ourselves, I’m sure most of us, if not all of us, have thought this at one point. It really brings tears to my eyes to confess that I actually think to myself that I don’t have time for God. You know what? God has given me plenty of time over the past two weeks to spend time with Him and I have chosen not to. I have wasted time that could’ve been well spent with, my Father, who loves me very much. I have neglected Him, and this honestly breaks my heart. I have definitely been convicted, to the point where I am writing this now, and confessing it. To the point where I feel horrible, guilty, and I regret the time I have wasted; the time that I could’ve been spending with God. Instead I was worried about going back to work, how I was going to pay my bills, and complaining about how bored I was. The truth is, I had plenty of things to do, I chose not to do them. I didn’t want to do them, this even includes spending time with God. Why have I been avoiding Him so much, well that can be seen within the text that I have been blatantly reminded of. Before I get into that, one of the things that helped to open my eyes to this mess is the number of people who have said “think about the amount of time you get to spend with God”, in one way or another. I’m guessing they were assuming that I was, indeed, spending time with God. I wish their assumptions were right, I wish I had been taking advantage of this time of rest and spending time with God, but there is nothing I can do about what I didn’t do, only about what I can do now.
I was driving to the store last night because I had run out of tissues, and my stuffiness was getting the best of me, in both forms of the word; and I was listening to a song by Brooke Barrettsmith, called “Quiet My Heart” I found myself confronted with the very thing I was avoiding; Resting in God. Here are the lyrics;
“My mind wanders away, dreaming of where I could be on another day, I’m always so far ahead, I seem to miss the one that I’m in, and I regret the time I lost. Right here in the moment I’m given I’ll treasure the breath that I’m breathing and I’ll rest in You. You quiet my heart. Somehow every second that’s passing is filled with so much meaning as I wait here with You. Quiet my heart. I get stuck in between Yesterday and all that tomorrow brings. When all that You want from me is that I come and sit at Your feet and know that You are God and with You no time is lost. Right here in the moment I’m given I’ll treasure the breath that I’m breathing and I’ll rest in You. You quiet my heart. Somehow every second that’s passing is filled with so much meaning as I wait here with You. Quiet my heart. Don’t let me run away. Show me why I should stay. Open my eyes to take in Your beauty. Keep me here in this place. Take me in Your embrace. There’s no place that I’d rather be than right now. Right here in the moment I’m given I’ll treasure the breath that I’m breathing and I’ll rest in You. You quiet my heart. Somehow every second that’s passing is filled with so much meaning as I wait here with You. Quiet my heart.”
I found myself fighting back tears as I listened to this song, and when I came home from getting tissues, I did a lot of thinking. Today, on my last day of potential rest, is the day I finally get it. (I’ll tie it in a bit later)
The passage of scripture that I have been confronted with so many times recently can be found in 1 Kings 19. It’s a big chunk of scripture, so bear with me.
“When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.”
Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”
Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, “Get up and eat!” He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water! So he ate and drank and lay down again.
Then the angel of the Lord came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.”
So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.
But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”
“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied again, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”
Then the Lord told him, “Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram. Then anoint Jehu son of Nimshi to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. Anyone who escapes from Hazael will be killed by Jehu, and those who escape Jehu will be killed by Elisha! Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!”
(1 Kings 19:1-18, NLT)
There is quite a bit within this one passage of scripture, quite a bit that rings true for my life right now. I’ll start with a bit of background and dive into the text first. For starters, Elijah was called by God to be a prophet and he was called to deliver a message of good news to the people of Israel. He was also called to show the people of Israel what they were doing wrong and how they were disobeying God. He was called to direct them out of sin and back to God. Just a bit earlier in the text, (see 1 Kings 18:16-40) Elijah was on Mt. Carmel and he challenged the prophets of Baal to a good old fashioned sacrifice. Essentially, both Elijah and approximately 450 of Baal’s prophets had set up the sacrifice of a bull; Elijah on one side and the prophets of Baal on the other. Elijah, knowing that God is the only God, instructs the prophets of Baal to call on their god to light the fire underneath their sacrificial bull. After many hours and attempts, and many jests from Elijah, the fire underneath the bull is not lit. Elijah calls over to them and instructs them to come over to him. Elijah then repairs the altar, takes 12 stones representing the tribes of Jacob, arranges them and then arranges the wood, cuts the bull, and places it on the altar. He then instructs the prophets to fill jars of water and place them around the sacrifice until the trench was filled with water. Then Elijah stepped forward and prayed:
“O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. O Lord, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself.” (1 Kings 18:36-37 NLT)
Then watch what happened;
“Immediately the fire of the Lord flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the trench! And when all the people saw it, they fell face down on the ground and cried out, “The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord is God!” Then Elijah commanded, “Seize all the prophets of Baal. Don’t let a single one escape!” So the people seized them all, and Elijah took them down to the Kishon Valley and killed them there. (1 Kings 18:38-40)
Elijah is responsible for slaughtering the prophets who were worshipping Baal, and proclaiming him as god to the people of Israel. When Elijah is confronted by Jezebel, someone who worships and loves Baal, just as much as Elijah worships and loves God, She threatens his life and Elijah is indeed fearful.
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When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.” (1 Kings 19:1-2 NLT)
Elijah is well aware of what Jezebel is capable of and he has no doubt that she may very well follow through on her threat. “For whatever reason – failure, lack of faith, or a sense of resignation at the prospect of never having peace – Elijah flees” (House, 222). Elijah ran because he feared for his life and it appears in the text that he has also given up hope. Elijah drops off his servant and goes into the wilderness; essentially Elijah quits.
“Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” (1 Kings 19:3-4 NLT)
It is interesting to me that Elijah, at first was running away because he feared for his life after Jezebel threatened him, and now here he is begging God to take the very life he fled to save. It seems that Elijah is throwing the towel in on his life and his ministry, based on the idle words of someone else, but God is not finished with him yet. Elijah is no doubt in my mind thinking that he cannot be victorious against Jezebel and that He doesn’t have the strength to face her. It seems to me that he was forgetting where his strength came from. He was forgetting who his God was and all that He is capable of. He was giving into fear and hopelessness. Even within Elijah’s loss of hope and grumbling, God takes care of him. He provided well for him, he fed him, and he had an angel guard him as he slept. The food that God provided for Elijah gave him strength of a physical nature as well as strength of a spiritual nature.
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Then the angel of the Lord came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night. But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too. (1 Kings 19:7-10 NLT)
Does anyone else find it interesting that God asks, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Why would God be asking this, there must be a reason? Perhaps, God has other plans for Elijah. Or Maybe Elijah isn’t where he is supposed to be. Now, there’s something to ponder. After hearing Elijah’s response, God says;
“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.” (1 Kings 19:11-13)
To me, it seems as if God takes this opportunity to show and teach doubting, faithless, hopeless, Elijah something. First of all, God allows Elijah to see a bit of His power much like others have seen. For example, consider Exodus 19:16-19;
“On the morning of the third day, thunder roared and lightning flashed, and a dense cloud came down on the mountain. There was a long, loud blast from a ram’s horn, and all the people trembled. Moses led them out from the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. All of Mount Sinai was covered with smoke because the Lord had descended on it in the form of fire. The smoke billowed into the sky like smoke from a brick kiln, and the whole mountain shook violently. As the blast of the ram’s horn grew louder and louder, Moses spoke, and God thundered his reply” (Exodus 19:16-19 NLT)
And also consider Psalm 18:7-15;
Then the earth quaked and trembled. The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger. Smoke poured from his nostrils;fierce flames leaped from his mouth. Glowing coals blazed forth from him. He opened the heavens and came down;dark storm clouds were beneath his feet. Mounted on a mighty angelic being he flew, soaring on the wings of the wind. He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach with dark rain clouds. Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him and rained down hail and burning coals. The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resoundedamid the hail and burning coals. He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies; his lightning flashed, and they were greatly confused. Then at your command, O Lord, at the blast of your breath, the bottom of the sea could be seen, and the foundations of the earth were laid bare. (Psalm 18:7-15)
Now consider Habakkuk 3:3-6;
“I see God moving across the deserts from Edom, the Holy One coming from Mount Paran. His brilliant splendor fills the heavens,and the earth is filled with his praise. His coming is as brilliant as the sunrise. Rays of light flash from his hands, where his awesome power is hidden.Pestilence marches before him; plague follows close behind.When he stops, the earth shakes.When he looks, the nations tremble.He shatters the everlasting mountains and levels the eternal hills. He is the Eternal One!” (Habakkuk 3:3-6 NLT)After reading those passages, there is definitely no doubt in my mind how mighty and powerful God is. As you can see from the passages above, the power of God is a force to be revered and a force to be feared. God reveals his power to Elijah through the wind, earthquake, and fire. He shows him a little bit of what he is capable of. It is almost as if God is trying to jog his memory about what has just happened on Mt Carmel. God’s power was fully displayed for not only Elijah, but also for the prophets of Baal to see and Elijah is terrified of Jezebel? Perhaps, God is also trying to show Elijah through all of this that even though he doesn’t have the strength to face Jezebel, God does. It also seems as if God is trying to get Elijah to find rest and peace in knowing that God has everything under control, and that He is in charge and that He has a plan for him. All three things, the wind the earthquake and the fire could’ve potentially killed Elijah, but God protected him. God wants Elijah to trust Him. Elijah seems to be missing the point.
Through this, God also allows Elijah to see a bit of who he is, just like He allowed Moses to in Exodus 33:18-23;
“Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”
The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh, before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.” The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”(Exodus 33:18-23 NLT)
The really awesome thing about this passage, for the reader especially, is that it reminds us of how powerful and comforting the literal Words of God are. Could you imagine audibly hearing God speak? God allowed Elijah to see a bit of who he is. He had firsthand experience with God, just like Moses did. Elijah wanted reassurance, and God provided it by showing him his power, his might, and showing him a little bit of who He is. Elijah has seen God, and his power, and yet, he still doesn’t seem to get it. This is evident when God asks again; “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (in verse 13), and Elijah responds with the same answer in verse 14 as he gave before in verse 9.
“He replied again, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”
Now, I have to admit, that this amuses me. At first, I was trying to figure out why Elijah was repeating himself. Why did he have the same answer after God had revealed so much to him? Then I figured it out. Elijah still hasn’t figured it out. He still seems to be clueless. How many times does he need to be reminded? Hmmmmm…..
God’s response to Elijah is this:
“Then the Lord told him, “Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram. Then anoint Jehu son of Nimshi to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. Anyone who escapes from Hazael will be killed by Jehu, and those who escape Jehu will be killed by Elisha! Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!”(1 Kings 19:15-18 NLT)
There’s one more thing God was trying to show Elijah. It is interesting that God was not present in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, but He was present in a still small voice. God was trying to show Elijah that not only is he present in the big things like the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, but he also has his hand on all the small things that come his way. The same is true in our lives
God was obviously not finished with Elijah. He had some more work to do, so God sent him back to where he came from. Perhaps, it took the journey home for Elijah to process what had happened there in the wilderness and at Mt. Sinai, but eventually he got it. (Hmmm… it’s no mistake that it he wandered for 40 days in the wilderness to get to Mt. Sinai, just like the Israelites, it took him much longer than necessary to get there) He understood that God was more powerful than man and Jezebel had no power over him compared to the power of God. He seemed to understand that God had him where He wanted him, even if Elijah wanted to quit. He understood that ultimately, God is the one who decides when someone lives and when someone dies. God protected him. He provided for him.
I suppose I should go back to where I confessed about my unwillingness to spend time with God, and my utter disregard for His Word. It sounds horrible, but it is not far from the truth, is it? This awesome passage of scripture was brought up over and over again to me, because I wasn’t getting it. It wasn’t clicking within the confines of my sinfully human brain. I was left clueless. Well, you see, the more I thought about this scripture, and the more it appeared to me, the more sense it started to make. The more similarities I could find between myself and Elijah. Now, of course I am not saying that I am a prophet, nor have I slaughtered the prophets of Baal. Haha… far from it. What I am saying is this. Elijah ran from Jezebel, why? “For whatever reason – failure, lack of faith, or a sense of resignation at the prospect of never having peace…” (House 222). What was I running from? Why was I running? Honestly, it didn’t click until last night, when I heard that song, and was yet again reminded of the passage in 1 Kings 19. I do not do well with failure. I am afraid of failure, which is funny because I have felt like a great big failure lately. I have messed up, made some big mistakes in my life. Mistakes I feel like I can never fix, mistakes that haunt me, every day, mistakes that make me feel hopeless, and honestly cause me to lose faith. Mistakes that make me want to run from the only thing that makes sense, and avoid only one who loves me regardless of what I have done. Mistakes that make me want to avoid the painful truth in the Word of God like the plague, so I can wallow in self pity, and remorse.
I realized that while I am feeling this way, God has provided for me in so many ways. He has provided a roof over my head. He has provided nourishment for me. He has provided the love, encouragement, and support of friends, new and old. The biggest thing he has provided for me is His Word - His comforting, healing Word. Didn’t he do the same for Elijah? Didn’t he provide for Him when he thought all hope was lost? What would make me think he wouldn’t do the same for me? What would make you think he wouldn’t do the same for you?
Ah! And Resting in Him! What a concept! If God ultimately determines everything in my life then why is it so difficult to rest in Him? To rest in knowing that God has everything under control? That He can handle it? That He is bigger than any problem that I face? That he is reliable, dependable, and trustworthy? I know I tend to trust God with what I want to trust Him with instead of with everything. How many of you are the same way? God wanted Elijah to trust him. God wanted him to see that He is in control and that He has a plan for Him. It is my prayer that God will help me to trust him in more ways every second of every day. This is my prayer for you too.
God is the author and the finisher of not only our faith, but of everything. The power, majesty and might of God far out do anything or anyone we could ever imagine. God is in control of very tiny little facet of our lives, and he ultimately determines our steps. We often go in a direction that finds us being asked, “What are you doing here, child?” To which most of us answer the same thing over and over again, never really getting it. How many times do we need to be reminded? The good news is God is a God of second chances. He loves us and He wants us to be successful at being faithful to Him, nothing else. Isn’t it interesting to see that God’s hands have the power to destroy everything, yet it is his embrace and love we ultimately long for?
