Here I Am, a Sinner; Broken and in Need of You

Here I am a sinner, broken and in need of you. Take my life, wash my fears away. For you are the Great I Am, rest assured I feel your hand, holding me until the darkness clears. Father to the fatherless; Redeemer of my soul, my life is Yours forever. My heart will always know. Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole. Your mercy found me, called me as Your own.” (Mercy –Casting Crowns)

I remember sitting in my car and reading the words of Psalm 51 out loud as if they were my words and my own personal prayer to God. I was crying out to him asking him to forgive me, with tears streaming down my face, and I was asking him to have mercy on me, a sinner. The very next Sunday I found myself in the Pastors office praying with him and my friend Karen. I knew I needed Jesus Christ in my life and I knew that without him I would continue to roam around on this earth lost and without hope. Since that day, my life has never been the same. I have been radically changed by a God who loves me in spite of myself. His love will never let me go, no matter what I do or don’t do. Psalm 51 reminds me of that day, but it also reminds me of where I have been. I have found myself coming back to Psalm 51 on a few occasions, reading the words out loud and praying to God once again to forgive me and have mercy on me, a sinner. Psalm 51 also reminds me of who I am in the scope of who God is. He is almighty and powerful, a great judge, who shows compassion and mercy on all who seek after him. It also reminds me how serious it is to sin and that every sin is against God, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. When David wrote the psalm he was heartbroken over the sin that he had committed against God and it shows in the very words he wrote. “Have mercy on me O God, because of your unfailing love; Because of your great compassion blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you way and our judgment against me is just.” (1-4) David knew that what he had done was wrong and he knew that only God was capable of forgiving him. David was a man after God’s own heart. He desired to follow God and obey him each and every day. Following God each and every day is not an easy task. It’s not easy to choose obedience over rebellion. It’s much easier to do what I want to do instead of doing what I know is right, but in the long run, doing what is right and following after God wholeheartedly is far more beneficial than any temporary “thrill” could possibly be. David’s heart was broken over the sin he committed but he was also heartbroken over the possibility of being sent out of the presence of God. “Don’t banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you” (11-12) It makes me wonder whether or not I would react the same way to the possibility of being sent out of the presence of God. I mean would I? Would you?